My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
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