i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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