I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
