Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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