The best revenge is premature balding
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
