im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
