Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
