Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
