I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
