That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
