He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
i now understand why vodka
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
