Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
