Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
