Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
