physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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