Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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