Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
