he shaved USA in his pubs
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
