I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
