did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
