please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
