eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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