I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
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