For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
