I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
