peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
