i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
