from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
