If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
