am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
