I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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