I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
