So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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