Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
