This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
