i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
