A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
