i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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