you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
