dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
