Your tits are I can't wait for
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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