Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
