I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
