god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think your dad took our porno
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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