I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
porn star boner night. come get it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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