She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
