sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
