jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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