We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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