my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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