She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
