the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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