Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
